I just woke up. Kevin is still snoring softly. It's a relaxing sound. So much better than all the snoring he did while he was sick. I'ma go put on a pot of tea. Hold on .. ... .... There's nothing like a fresh cup of tea when you first get up. Though I'm still stuck with american tea (which just doesn't taste like English tea) The brand I got we actually have in England, and this type was called English blend... Still nothing. Hopefully I get my package today with my PG Tips in. I love my PG Tips. Best tea in the world. We opened all the Christmas presents Kevin's mum and dad got us... maybe about 30 minutes after they left. hehe. My kitchen really feels like home now. It's so nice. I need new curtains for the livingroom. I may just put up the old ones from England just so have some curtains up. It will just close the room up a little, but will make it look more like a home and not just the corner we put our couch and T.V. in. I've decided to have Kevin buy me a new T.V. before he leaves. Not a huge one, but a bigger one. For my Christmas present. I still have no clue what to get him for his. I mean he leaves shortly after, he won't get use of anything. Maybe I'll buy him a ton of socks and underwear and a webcam for the laptop I'm giving him. Then again I probably won't be able to do the puppy eyes long enough to get him to buy me a T.V. but maybe some pamper me stuff. Some new shoes, or a new outfit. I've decided that when he leaves I'm going to close myself off from the world and do nothing but sit in a dark corner and wait for him to return. HAHAHA. No I'm kidding. I have that article to write with Mark, and that's going to keep me busy into all hours of the night. I also have a vacation in england and to California to look forwards to. I'm excited about both of those, and the best thing is. That it is only for a few months. It's not too long at all. I can handle that, and I know Kevin will be safe and that's the most important thing. Plus it isn't like he's not going to talk to me and let me know what is going on. I'll probably talk to him every day. :D and that's so great! Anyways, off that subject. Last night Kevin and I played video games. I hit level 23 and he worked his butt off and got 22. I think I'll always be a little ahead of him because i was questing while he was farming. Today I spend to long farming and gathering to get my skill up because I had not done it for so long. I also hit the questing wall and have to get to 25 before I can do anything to help me level besides repeat quests (which I don't do) and grinding. I'm not a huge grinding fan, but last night I sat listening to The Movement live CD (all of their songs from the last year) and you'd be surprised how into it I was while I was killing all these creatures. haha. I still want to play WoW again, but I've grown bored of it. I only want to play because I want to hang out with Alex and Sennin more. Not forgetting Steve and Cameron too. I guess I have gone too long without talking to them... I wonder if they miss me. I was going to hop on Steve's vent the other day, but he must have changed the info or something. I couldn't get on. I gave Steve my e-mail, but it's kinda just like him not to e-mail me haha. I didn't email him either. We are online friends... pretty much nothing more. Other than we follow each other into new guilds. So far Steve has failed to find one, so I guess it's my turn next. Even though I'll probably follow him. Of course that's if I don't join the guild Alex is in... which I will probably do because I promised him before I left WoW that when I got back I would be joining his. It's about my level now. I was too high for it, but now I'm so far behind. I'll really have no choice, but to join a leveling type guild to get my gear to par. Once I'm geared better, I suppose I'll see what happens. I have a hard time in staying in guilds that suck, so we'll see. Tonight is Kevin's and my movie night. So I'ma get the house cleaned and pick out a bunch of movies, or anime to watch. I'm thinking of getting him to watch Spice and Wolf because it's really cool and interesting. I love wolves too, and she plays one well in human form. That's exactly how I'd expect a wolf to be haha. Someone did ask how bad the nudity was in it. Well there is a lot of nudity somewhat, but it's tastfully done. You can just see that she is nude. No detail or anything. It's very interesting. Since she is a wolf she has no modesty, but she covers up to look human in the villages they visit together. It's almost like something goes wrong everywhere they go. Last night I watched the first episode of Coyote Ragtime Show.... realised I had watched it before. If fact it was one of the animes I had recieved when it first released so that I could review it for an anime site online (which I pretty much did just to see the new anime and what I wanted myself). I remember I gave it a iffy review because the first episode while it is a very good episode, it's also kinda cheesy. I can see why some people called it a guys anime, but it so isn't. Not that I've seen anyways. Watching it now I actually think I'll like the show. I found a place online that I can take the CD covers from. Which is great for the anime I buy online from say funimation, or that I just download (because even I am bad sometimes, but in my defense it's usually anime I already bought, but scratched a disk or something). I'm thinking of getting Rumbling Hearts. I LOVED that anime. It's short and sweet. It's about a girl who falls in love with this great guy, who then falls in love with her. But then she is in this accedent that sends her into a coma, and the boy fell in love with her best friend. They date for many years. Not sure how long later, but she wakes up, and they have to pretend it is like before she went into a coma so it doesn't shock her back into one. It's interesting, and good. I can't wait for tonight! and Kevin hasn't even woke up yet. He's still hugging the pillow I put to replace me and him and I got up this morning hehe. Here's a random Aion image of my Sorc: (If I can find the damn folder it's in >.<) Wish the image came out better, but I'll do a proper photo dumb another time. Bye all X Sie

So Kevin's parents just left, and I had the best weekend with them. they spoilt  us both so so much, and we had so much fun with them. I didn't have to cook at all, so I still have a lot of food left from the meals I was going to make. Though his mum and I made the best chocolate cake ever last night and ate it for breakfast this morning. Best comfort food ever and the only cake I have ever made with sour cream... weird huh?

Anyways, we did so much. Last night we saw Avatar in the Imax 3D and loved it. We also went for Sushi and loved that. There were so many different kinds of specialty rolls and Kevin being in the military got us a great discount.

We also drank Sake an talked about nonsense. Kevin's mum is a blast and we did a lot just the two of us while Kevin was sleeping. Gus made himself at home and found the perfect reading corner (which I thank him for because it really is relaxing and perfect) Kevin's mum got me into the Philosophy face products.

Since coming to Idaho my skin has been very dry and blemishes have been a problem. my complexion has taking a turn. WELL that was until she gave me some of her Philosphy products and in two days my face is perfect. My complexion smooth and soft. No blemishes, no lines... GREAT.

They got us so many christmas presants. I can't wait till Christmas to open them... literally we will open them tonight LOL

I really miss that they are gone, but can't wait to go visit them while Kevin is away.

It's been forever since I wrote about the anime's I've been watching, or what I will be watching.

So here goes: ( This is really long. Feel free to skip through too.  )

As you can see a lot of my anime comes from Funimation. I don't think enough people give it credit. I know not many greats came from them, but so many did too. Evangelion, xxxHolic, Trinity Blood and Tenchi. It's where I'm looking for new anime to watch if you hadn't noticed. It's also how I found out a lot of the anime I love was by them... I probably didn't notice because I skip that part of every disk lol. Hell Girl was even by Funimation, so they have kudos from me on many counts. Which reminds me. I'ma get Trinity Blood too.

Anyone who wants to recommend a show for the watch list. Please feel free to do so. This is my list for the last few months lol.

X Sie

So early last week or so Silo got seperated from his brothers. It was mainly because he was getting too aggressive with Nova, and Kevin and I were too busy to keep a close eye to make sure Nova was ok.

I know ferrets need to fight it out. Even though I think this is all because Silos is a little horn dog. So monday I put them back together. I polished my little bathroom back to it's glory of unferretedness. Found the last pieces of chicken liver Silos has hidden in the small cuboard, and completely disinfected everything HAHAHA. Silo didn't start bothering Nova again till yesturday. He cut poor Nova's ear. However, it's obvious that he's not trying to kill Nova, or Nova would be dead already. Silo will just fight him till he gets what he wants. Nova's usually okay at getting away, but eventually Silos will then take his frustraition out on Kaos... Who since it's winter, is letting Silo take control of the group. That will change with Spring though. Silo is still a baby to Kaos, and so he'll put him in his place once winter is over and he is back to his happy jumpy self. (He doesn't like the cold much and is sleeping more than usual. However, he is fine and healthy and plays when he's slept).

Kevin's work has been just as frustraiting this week as it was last week. However, it's not their fault, it's just these crazy hours. I would love for Kevin to get put onto day shift before he leaves as right now we are one different schedules to each other. I haven't been able to spend any time with him. Though we've played a few games together. He's sleeping right now, and I don't know what time he is getting up today as he has a lot of things to do. I got to take a nap with him last night. Well it was a nap for him. It was the end of my sleeping for me.

Yesturday was payday, and I spoke to Kevin's mum on the phone. We talked for a really long time. It was really nice. I told her about Kevin's deployment. She wants me to go live with them while Kevin is away. HHAHAHA. I have plans to go to England for a couple of weeks, and I told her that I will definitely visit. I'm looking forwards to it aswell.

It's really nice that she wants to help and that she cares so much. She has so much love sometimes it's a little overbearing, but in a good way. It would be good to go to their church again. I really loved it when I went. I've never been to a church like that.

Kevin told me that when he started going there his mum told him it was a cult and refused to go, but eventually Kevin talked her into going, and they've been going to that church ever since. They play these awesome christian songs, but not like hymns or anything (which are good in their own right), they have black walls with these big crosses. and they are all wonderful loving people. I remember when I went the first time I actually felt like crying... I know that sounds horribly weird, but it's true. It's like going into this room and not just being faced with the regular preaching, but actually having it be more like teaching and being able to feel all this love in the room. It felt like home... I know that sounds horrible too, but I honestly could have stayed there.The church is called The Movement. It's in southern California. Anyone in that area should check it out.

Anyways, after Kevin's mum called I decided to start putting up the christmas tree, but then Mark called and I almost missed his call, so I called him back. We spoke for another hour I think on this new project of his I just joined. He is as excited about my helping as I am. He said we are partners in this now, and shockingly enough my excitement and my seriousness of the project (even if it is saying something bad about work he has done, or saying there isn't enough, and I can be harsh) doesn't even scare him. He takes everything in, and beats me every time. Whenever I say something and then try to come up with a solution, there he is with the same solution before I have a chance to say it. If I say something's missing we need to do that, he's like, I have all that it's in your e-mail. I'm like WOW! I LOVE IT! I've never had a partner I've clicked so well with to get work done like that. It's going to be a lot of fun, and best part is that Kevin supports my ideas and said that he will help as much as he can before he leaves. I really cannot wait.

Once I got off the phone with mark I started putting my tree up. Joanne called >.> by this time I'm thinking about how popular I am this evening. We talked a lot about the military and Kevin leaving. I think I stole the spotlight a lot because I haven't spoken to her in so long. Though we spoke a lot about her house and what she wants and such. I can't wait to see what house she gets. She's got this whole perfect family thing going on. It's so wonderful. Her husband Ben will be a good father, but I feel bad for him being in LRS. Their new deployements suck, but he's so faithful and loving to Joanne that I think it will make them stronger. I feel bad that their baby will have to be away from her father more than she should have, but I think Joanne has this amazing strength to cope with that.

After Joanne's call I finally got back to the tree. It took me about 2 hours!! I was so tired of christmas by the time I was almost done, but it's done now. It's not our best tree, but it's still pretty good.

It's red and white with some clear balls and lots of small balls. (nothing gayer than christmas right?) and red and white ribbon (which I didn't buy enough of ). I need to either buy more ribbon so I can make a bo star for the top, OR buy a star for the top... One or the other, I need a tree topper haha.

When Kevin got home I had all the lights in the house off except the christmas tree. He saw it as he came in the door, and was very impressed. His face just lit up. I know it made him very happy. He kept looking and saying, "That's a beautiful tree," I knew he would really like it, I did it for him.

When he got home and out of his uniform, he feel asleep with me on the couch. We slept a couple of hours before he woke up and got on his games and made himself some food (completely looking over the food I had made him earlier lol). I slept a little bit more, but unfortunatly Kevin went to bed about the time I got up for the day :( Which makes me sad. I won't see him much today.

He always doesn't get Friday off work, so he'll be working on the night his parents are staying here. Which means he'll only get Saturday with them. I think they leave sunday, so I feel bad for him.

At least he gets to see them though. That's very important.

I'm trying to put on a smile and stuff, but I'm really sad about Kevin leaving, and whenever I think of things as "Kevin's not going to see his family for a while," I feel horrible. After all I'm his family too, I won't be seeing him for a while either. However, I refuse to spend all this time feeling down. This is my first Christmas with Kevin in the states!! The first of many! I will use this time away from him to give him an amazing home to come back to. This is also Kevin's and my second Christmas married and 3rd christmas together as a couple :D

I'm very happy. I love Kevin so much. I'm going to make this the best christmas ever!!

So since I've spent about two days wanting to cry in the corner. I'm sick, and can't keep food down. I have a constant headach, and whenever I feel happy because as always Kevin is being wonderful. I just want to cry. He's leaving again soon... I can't change that. There's absolutly NOTHING I can do. I feel proud of him. That won't change, and I hate that I am making him worry about me, but I can't seem to help it.

Whenever he does something nice for me. Like coming home from work and getting me a drink and wash cloth, or making dinner and helping me get comfortable. The whole thing... Making me laugh (which he is too good at). I just want to cry and it makes me feel worse. I haven't been with him long enough for him to go again so soon. I only just started to get settled, and he's off.

Anyways, I'm getting off track. Point is I can't enjoy the good things because I'm depressed about the bad. So, I plan on knocking sense back into my head as I am sure I am just feeling this way because I only just found out he is leaving very soon.

So I'm going to write the things I am thankful and happy about to help me.

1) Silo's complete craziness. Because he never stops and eventually you just have to laugh.
2) Nova's huggableness and the way he just acts dead in your arms after finally escaping Silo's claws. He gives the cutest little kisses and is the sweetest of all three of them.
3) Kaos's complete over mellowness. Even the fact he is so mellow that he nips anyone that takes him out of his mellow state. Because eventually he'll come sit with you and you can't help but love and cuddle him into hyperness because he is the cutest of all three.
4) My home. It doesn't feel like home yet, but it will. I'm determind to make this a home Kevin can come home to in a few months and be like "Wow, this is my home," However, I'm also going to make sure not to change too much and shock him as to how long he was gone, and how much has changed. I'll also let him change anything that makes him more comfortable as long as I can have the big clock for the kitchen that I have wanted for almost a month.
5) I am thankful for my mum who always seems to make me smile and cheers me up, and who never fails to tell me when I am being silly and need to snap out of it. Even if it makes me cry. Because it's what I need to see past my own emotions and move on.
6) I am thankful for Jeannie. I know she'll be there every day I need her, and I know she'll make sure I have a friend when I need.
7) I'm thankful for Mark. Who is going to make sure I work a lot while Kevin is gone, and keep my mind occupied on my writing.
8) I'm thankful for my computer. It's my link to my friends around the world.
9) I'm thankful for cheap flights so I might be able to see Kevin while he is deployed. (hopefully).
10) I am thankful for warm water and a big enough bath to soak and relax. It's my favorite thing to do while reading.
11) I'm thankful for hard learned lessons. Because without them I would be weak and misserable.
12) I am running out of things to write about...

Okay well finally I'm just thankful for Kevin. Even talking about him makes me want to cry right now, but I know I'll pull out it. I can't have him worry about me the whole time he is gone... That's just not fair.

I love Kevin so much... why must he go!? So soon. We knew he had to go eventually, but we weren't expecting it till Summer.

Okay... I'm backpeddling... *sigh* I'ma go take a bath and try and clear my head a little.

DAMNIT MILITARY! JUST GIVE ME A BREAK! JUST ONCE!!

So I got to level 16 this morning with Kevin right before he went off for M16 training. I'm supposed to be trying to level us both together, but I got carried away putting things into the new case Kevin bought me.

The night before last he bought home 2 packets of Swiss Miss hot chocolate since he liked it and thought I might too, so I used warm milk instead of water and it was good. So yesturday when I was at the BX they had these Christmas Swiss Miss jars with different flavors of hot chocolate in them. I got him 4 the had thick milk chocolate, French Vanilla, Mint Chocolate, and Caramel Cream. He really liked it and thought it was cute that I remembered what he said about Swiss Miss.

When I got back from the BX I near faceplanted the snow outside my house, and ended up getting very wet and cold. I stayed up for a little bit and got some more house work done, and then went to bed. I woke up to Kevin coming home very early at 1930 (7:30PM). Which was great. Although, when he woke me up. He soon realised I was sick. Runny nose, headach, aching bones, and a slight fever. He made me hot chocolate and we lay on the couch together watching the last of The Wallflower (which Kevin thinks is a silly show, but laughs at it's silliness anyway. I'm still undecided on if I like it a lot of just a little. It has it's good episodes and it's bad ones). Then we went to bed and fell asleep for two hours. When I woke up, Kevin wasn't next to me, but has literally only just left the room. I actually second guessed if I had dreamt him coming home early or not. The house was so dark, so I called for him and he came to the door. Bathroom light shining behind him, and his sexy muscles all exposed and wet. I started blushing and Kevin saw and thought I was getting a fever again. I was actually embarresed to tell him why I was really blushing, which is so silly since he's my husband and being attracted to you husband is a really good thing.

We got up soon after and played Aion. I put on his blue coller shirt and am actually still wearing it over my jeans. We didn't get to play too much Aion, but it was still fun. I bought a cool looking punky outfit. It was a very bright neon pink, but I dyed it to be a light tourquise.

We leveled from 14 to 16 and managed to get to a new town area to quest. The quests are a couple of levels higher than us now, so we really have to work together to take them down. Kevin's slightly jealous of how overpowered my character is. I would agree that it's stupid strong and nothing can get close to me without either dying first or me teleporting away or freezing it in place. MWHAHAHA. I'm evil, but he likes his Ranger a lot. He made me make a priest though. In Aion priests wear chain mail... I'm not kidding. But only if you go enchanter. If you go the healer road you only wear leather (which I still think is strange for a priest). Since they don't usually want to get hurt, but my char, a mage that is WAY overpowered and pulls everything can only wear cloth... I don't get it. Enchanters are melee characters though, and apparently are the jack of all trades of players... Not really my thing, but Kevin said they are the strongest characters of the game after level 10. I just don't know if I like the whole only 3 skills of each type things... I love that on my mage at level 16 I can pretty much distroy everything with my 8+ skills and have to think about which order to do them in, and not where I should stand for which spell kinda things that chanters seem to have to do, but he made me do it. Even though I told him I wasn't going to roll any characters he wanted me to in this game unless I really wanted that character because I seem to do that with every game we play, but then of course he gives me that please please cute face and I sigh and do it. Though he did tell me he would buy me a surprise if I did, and I got that nice case with a lock and everything. It's so pretty. Oh and he told me that he would roll a healer if I rolled a tank. I'm not a big tank person, but I'll do it just to see him play healer and see how long it lasts before he sends himself nuts and runs in to kill something. HAHA. He's not a big healer person, but I think that's the point of putting the "if you roll a tank," first.

So my level 16's name is Nyue. My level 5 priest soon to be chanter is caslled Yiuna. I'm thinking of making an Assassin. Not sure yet. Still working on getting rich with my main. Which is surprisingly easy. However, NCsoft always seems to screw up the ecconomy of all it's games. In Lineage it was impossable to level or be good at anything without buying in game money with real world money. Yet they don't allow you to do that with the risk of losing your account, but it's their fault people would do it. It's why Kevin and I quit the game. Players with millions could level way fast and have the best gear that they would use to kill you whenever you left a town. It became a dog eat dog world, and I hated it after a while. I still do.

I actually thought I would hate Aion because I haven't liked many of NCSoft's games, but it's like a perfect balance of L2, WoW and Guild Wars. I loved Guild Wars because of the cinemas and the point a to b kind of instances that you did. I like WoW because of the money making sceme and the quests and storyline. I liked L2 because of the graphics (that they slowly butchered), the costumes, and the detail in the worlds, and of course also the combat. The mindless killing of L2. There isn't mindless killing in Aion, but it's a good mix of WoW and L2 fighting skills with new things added that make it more fun. The graphics are awesome. Though I am hoping they'll build the worlds more with each expansion. The max level is 50 and the world seems very small right now, but we'll see.

The quests are fun, and they have campain quests you can do; each quest follows a different storyline which makes it less boring. While still keeping to the main storyline on why the Asmodians (which I am) hate the Elyos which are the more human looking people and seem like the ally's of WoW. haha.

I'm a hordy... sorry.

The campain also has these cinimas that you take part in and so it's got that Guild Wars feel. I haven't gotten to take part in any PVP yet, but so far I am liking Aion.

The PVP seems very similar to WoW. L2 you would get killed everywhere. It would suck. WoW you could stick to areas they couldn't kill you till you were a high enough level to fend for yourself. Never did any PvP in Guild Wars. However, it seems I won't find any Elyos in the areas I'm leveling, and I think it only takes part in certain areas, but I don't know yet. We'll see. Anything is better than the PKs of L2. I was a PKK and would hunt people with red names. haha. Though even that got old.

Okay well I have geeked out enough. Time to decide if I want to level more or go to bed, or maybe clean house.

X Sie

Well last night was good. I slept till almost 9PM. Which is just horrible. Also my own fault for going to bed after 1PM. I cleaned the house. Polished the ferrets room till it smelt great and was shiney like a new penney. Cleaned Silo's new room till he was satisfied. Then made dinner for Kevin who walked in the door at almost 2:30 AM and right after I started preparing dinner. WOOT for good timing. We ate dinner, and got on games. Got off games and watched 4 episodes of Gunslinger Girl 2 and then went back to games.

Then about 8AM Kevin went to bed and I layed with him till he fell asleep. Now it's just gone 9:30 and I'm about to go to the BX and pick up a couple of things for the house, and look around for what Kevin could have bought me for a gift (I haven't seen it yet, but he told me he would get it). I'm excited!!

It's been snowing here, and reaches -5 while Kevin works on the flightline. I feel bad for him being out in such weather.

We're having fun at home though. He's been super loving, but that could also be because he feels bad for working so much. Which he should because it sucks! haha just kidding.

Right now I'm talking to Kevin's brother Matt on myspace. I miss his brothers. I hope they get to visit soon. They are so much fun, and they all look just like Kevin only each is a different build haha.

Cool thing. Kevin said he's going to make a journal on here. I was shocked when he said that, but also happy hehe. I think it'll be cool.

Well I'ma go finish up talking to Matt and then I'm heading to the BX

X Sie

Why am I awake... I should be sleeping. I only slept for 3 hours today and I tired, but cannot sleep. It's like my mind is buzzing around.

*facepalm* Today alreay sucks.

Kevin passed his PT test today. He made a great run time, and since he's in a different age group he can run a little slower if he wants haha.
The ferrets slept in the livingroom last night until Kaos decided to get really excited and pooped on the carpet when he woke up. Now they are back in the laundry room and Silo in my bathroom until I am done sleeping. Which at this rate could be the end of the evening. Poor guys.

Once Silo is fixed they will have full run, but until then we can't leave Silo alone with Nova. Poor Nova's ear is healed, but Silo isn't caring is Nova is in pain when he pounces on him. Though he hasn't managed anything more than roughhandling. He at least licks Nova before he attacks...

Nothing is going wrong. The only things I think could be getting to me are that we have to pay our insurance by Wednesday, but won't have the money till Friday, but that's easily fixed by a single phone call. We have to pay of Kevin's GTC, which again will be paid on Friday. That's it... We have no other debt, so money isn't a problem. Though it's still frustraiting me because I hate being late paying bills. However, non of the payments affects our credit, so it doesn't matter that much.
(Edit= These bills aren't actually late, but thanks to finance messing up our pay, we don't get a majority of it till Friday. The thought of opening our savings wasn't even an option. I would rather be a couple of days late paying one bill haha)

I know Silo is stressing me out a little because I know it's not his fault he's being this way, but he has to wait till after christmas for the snip (Since there really isn't any free time to take him to a proper vet till then). I wanted to try breeding him (especially because of the breed he is), but there's just no way now. I guess it's good he won't know what he's missing. Well, another night with Nova and he might, but that aint gonna happen.

Maybe it's because I'm bored. I have a lot of projects to look forwards to. I mean I just started a drawing and am writing again, and soon I'll be helping Mark with his column.

I'm also lonely though. Kevin works so damn much that I hardly see him. Our meaningful convosations take place around the bathroom, shower, and leaving the house. It's not like I don't get any time with him though. It's just that the last week sucked with his work. I had a great weekend with him, but since it's monday, he's back at it again. Though even though he's doing 12s this week too, at least he doesn't have PT every day like he did before. Apparently he is officially acclimatized, so he can wait till the next testing period before gyming it 5 days a week. Which is good because that took almost 2 hours a day. Doesn't give him much time to sleep let alone spend some quality time with his wife.

I feel selfish feeling this way about his work. He works so hard, and he is so good at what he does (though that seems to give us more disbenefits than benefits. Sometimes I wished he sucked at what he did, so he wouldn't have to work so much haha). I really love that he's so hard working, but at the same time, I wish I had him all to myself for a while... How horrible is that? It's not like he doesn't make time for me, and he's still loving. We still have a good sex life and everything, but I don't want that to be all there is.

I told Kevin this today when he got home from PT. He told me that it wasn't always going to be that way. That there are always going to be stressfull times, but that I shouldn't worry about him not having time for me. And he's right too... I just don't get why I feel this way when it isn't his fault at all. I think I'm just frustraited at the military for keeping him for so long, but this week is already looking up with no PT or anything. Though I wish his 12 hour shifts didn't last almost 14 hours and there were more days that he got home early. HAHA. I think I'm always going to want that. I feel bad, but I don't think my guilt towards those feeling is going to change how I feel.

I just wish I could shake it out of my head! Like I seem to be able to do with everything else that is hard to talk or think about, but I guess it isn't bad enough hmph. Well when I think of the alternative; being with someone who didn't have this job, I just can't haha. I mean Kevin knows me for who I am and loves me for my geeky fangirlish self. He trusts me, loves me and knows my buttons and also my turn ons. He knows what makes me laugh, who makes me cry and every time he knows how to act and how to be. I respect him completely because of his job, his hard working outlook on everything, his dreams of the future, and his skills. I love him because he is just great and wonderful just by being himself, and because he opens up to this whole world of emotions and feelings when we talk about things that affact us. Like mine is my father and so is his. I would have him for 10 minutes a day rather than go without him forever.

And just like that I feel suddenly better haha. I guess my feelings were silly after all. I'm grateful I have a great husband. I should remember that the next time I get down about not having him to myself and remember I'd rather have him than not haha.

Kevin did seem a little saddened when I talked to him today though. I hope I didn't make him worry that I was spending too much time down on myself today. I did other productive things too... I... am thinking of starting to clean the rest of the house... >.> okay you caught me, but at least I vented it out and feel better now. Just took me a little to find what the actual problem was.

But now that I think about it, I really do have to go bath, get dressed, and clean house. I have lots to do, and not enough new anime to help me through. HAHA

X Sie

I just had the best day EVER!!

Well Kevin and I ended up staying up till 5AM this morning, or was it 6... I don't know. I just know that I was starting to see everything in vivid color and talking a mile a minute and typing WAY faster than I usually do, and I type at 103 words a minute, so you can tell that would be insane.

So I know it wasn't a good idea to stay up that late, BUT! last night Kevin and I bought Aion. I made a Mage names Nyue on some server beginning with a K... Whatever that one is. I made her with blue hair in buns, and big green eyes. I loven my anime eyes. She's cool.. with fur going down her back and claws... The claws on her feet make her look like she's wearing heels. I love it! haha.

So we slept till gone 1PM... which was bad because we were supposed to be in Boise by 2 so we could hang out with Jeannie before she went to her formal party. However she called me having only had two hours of sleep and said hanging out with me was more important, so we got to Boise at just after 5PM.

I got to meet her ever so sweet guy friend who obviously adores her immensly. We picked up Mark and went for a wonderful Sushi dinner. I only had two specialty rolls and was full, so was expensive for the little ate, but easily the best salmon I've had so far... and I've had a lot. Mark told me about the column he's writing for the Washington post... and let me just say this... I just got myself a good little writing job to look forwards to that holds so much promise. Mark is incredibly intellegent, but is more for just writing facts onto a page without actually trying to make things flow... that's where I come in. His piece is so brilliant and he's put so much heart into it. I know that this piece is going to bring Mark so many good things, and the fact I can help him with that makes me happy. I can't wait to get back into serious writing again. And to help edit a piece and make it "flow" is all I need! haha. I'm so excited about that. We spoke about that a lot over dinner.

From there (and we spent a good couple of hours there) we went to the movies and bought tickets to see 2012... this being our second time watching it. It's a great movie! haha. We went and had coffee and spoke about funny stories, and about ourselves and how we became who we are, and the stupid people that come in and out of our lives and only help reinforce who we are.

Kevin was wonderful all day. He did so many sweet things. Like see me smiling and quietly listening to everyone talk and he would lean in and kiss me and say "I love you Samantha Leonard" My heart still bounces when he says that. He's one of the few people who call me Samantha (or nicknames of the like) and he rarely calls me that, but when he calls me Leonard... Just wow. I remember our vows every time. Kinda like when the sparkle of my ring catches my eye haha (got that line from a radio station haha, but it's so true).

He held both my hands in the movie. The movie still had me on the edge of my seat the second time watching it. It was GREAT!

We been so deprieved of each other all week because of his crazy schedule, but he is VERY good at making up for that haha. I try not to be attension needy when I know he has a stressful job, and works so hard, but he also knows that even though I'm not asking to be attached to him when he's home or we're out of the house, that it's what I want. I just know that he needs to cool down from his hard work before it's me time. Otherwise he doesn't put his whole heart into it. However, when he grabs me, I just melt in his arms. Today was so great because we haven't been able to connect all week, and we were so relaxed together, and could finally relax, and had a great time with friends.

We talked about a lot of things too. Things we hadn't spoken about in a long time, or things that were just random and great haha.

I loves him.

Anyways after the movie we went back to Jeannie's, she gave me a pair of sexy heeled boots. They aren't exactly knee high, but close, and have buckles going up the sides. Kevin really likes them too, so double happiness there.

Today I dressed up all pretty. I wore my black and white strappy, and my black jacket open front, my black and white tight booty skirt (I know I already sound whorish for the middle of winter, but it really looks very elegant and sexy without looking slutty. It's a classy shirt and skirt.) I wore thick blck tights and my black flats. Then of course my pink and black pinned coat that I love.

Okay, well I'm back to games with Kevin, but I didn't want to not talk about the great day I had first.

:D

Laters

X Sie

So I'm sitting here on a friday... I'm supposed to be happy, but for some reason I'm not. Maybe it's because I haven't slept yet since yesturday, or maybe it's because I haven't really eaten today. I don't know. I just don't get it.

I mean, there's nothing wrong or anything. Not bad is going on. The only things I can think of are: I may not be able to spend tomorrow in Boise with Jeannie, Natasha and I are officially not talking, and I haven't gotten a great chance to talk to my mum for more than 20 minutes in a couple of weeks now. Oh and Kevin's been working so up and down this week that dinner has become a 5 minute sit, eat sleep kinda deal. Private time has been ok, but limited on how long we get to have some. We did sit down and do our once weekly talk on the military and finances, but that doesn't really count *sigh*

Lame I know. Though I don't think that is a problem. There's a lot of good going on too. We get Aion this week. I'm going to the movies this weekend. Kevin's family is going over the weekend of the 17th, and my sister is out of hospital and back in college. Kevin's coping with the stress very well. He's still not sure if he's getting deployed just after christmas or not. Though it is only for 4 months... which I can handle... I'm just not ready to say goodbye to my only company right now haha.

He's doing well though. He's so sleep deprieved this week though that he's made himself sick. I can't wait for him to get home so we can go to sleep together. We'll get lots of us time this weekend!

There's not much else going on. Nothing really new. I have the internet now. Silo is trying to kill Nova... Well at least he's certainly trying to do something with Nova... I'm thinking we need to get him the snip soon. Poor guys. Nova because his neck is sore and ear cut; Silo because his hormones are wild and the only guy that will "let" him let off his extra testosterone is Nova... He's sleeping in my bathroom away from the other two for right now.

So far I'm loving Idaho though. I didn't think I would at first, but I love it here!! LOVE IT! Just need to find a good friend and I'm set.

Not sure what else to write, but I'm so bored I feel I should write...

OH!! I'm drawing a cool anime style priest. It's going swimmingly. Literally... as in she's standing on a beach wearing a suggestive gown and slightly wet from her little paddle. I drew her an awesome staff and have the waves standing tall behind her and a dark sky. MWHAHAHAHAHA... Though of course there's a lot of light coming from her, being a priest and all.

It's going to be awesome when it is done. Though Kevin looked at it questionably because I usually draw guys and have lately been drawing females for my avatar roles in D&D and only games too. He asked if there was something I wanted to tell him when he saw her picture today. Granted it was before I had drawn any clothes on her and was getting her proportions all good... He said she had manly thighs... and big hips. *evil glare* I told him that she had thunder theighs and lustious curves... He laughed. Which was nice to see after the stressful week.

I should have some pictures up for people to see soon. I put a lot up from WoW as you all know, but I'll have more up eventually.

I'm thinking of taking part in that new photography thingy that Blizzard is proposing. They even mentioned ferrets in the discription of the event!! I'm so there! HAHA. I'm going to dress Silo up as a tauren and Nova up as a murloc. I'll make Kaos a dragon or something... Because you know how much they love dressing up >.> right... hehe

Now I have internet again, at least I can reconnect with my friends in England, and also get back to my shows.

Though next week I'm going to be training like mad. *sigh* Not that I mind working out or anything, but I'm also having killer cramps, so am not optimistic about my run time. Though I'm mostly doing it because I haven't been in a couple of weeks because of everything going on, and because I've been eating a lot of junk this week since I've been eating at different times than Kev.

Though the last three days I've been silly and not eaten a complete meal once. *sigh* I really need to break that habit. The ferrets have been eating better than we have, but tomorrow I get to eat a full sushi dinner! So I'm excited about that very much!!

Well, now I'm bored of writing. Back to writing and maybe drawing some more. Fridays are so boring! Too much antisipation for the weekend! It won't come quick enough!

Anyways,

Laters

X Sie

Okay so here goes.

So leaving England was emotional to everyone. I felt bad because I couldn't cry. I don't know if it was because I was more scared, or excited, but also probably that I have a hard time opening up my emotions to the people around me.

Luckily my mum understood, and I hugged her lots before I left.

The bus ride was boring, and my Ipod ran out of battery about 2/3 of the way to London. I was in the middle of watching Blade Runner.

I didn't sleep the night before leaving. I talked to Kevin as much as I could.

When I got to the airport, I called my sister, who was too sick to say goodbye to me at the airport with her boyfriend and my two nieces. I wanted to see them, but I would have rather my sister got better, so I understood. After talking to her, I went through security and got to a computer. I used all my English change to use a computer and talk to my mum online. I also ate a burger meal since I knew I wouldn't eat much of the aircraft food. Then I went and sat, on my own, at the gate, and waited to get on the plane.

Of course my emotions came all at once that I was alone, and only now feeling I was leaving my family. I was scared, and upset, but I held together.

The flight wasn't too bad. It was only about 9 hours (maybe a little more) I watched a couple of movies, and read my Martina Cole book Faceless. Once we landed I couldn't wait to get off the plane. I had drank a little red wine on the plane to help me sleep, but that only woke me up more, so I was going on my 3rd day without sleep, and almost 3 weeks since I had a proper nights sleep anyway.

We landed and I got through customs. I expressed to the guys at customs that I was immigrating, but my folder looked like it had been opened. He agreed, but instead of doing something about it to make things harder for me, he opened it and signed that it was him that opened the folder. I was so happy about that. They joked about me filling out a form for entry I didn't need to fill out, and joked that my military ID was a fake. I giggled with them before continuing to immigration. That took almost 2.5 hours in total (customs included) and only left me 30 minutes to my flight. Which I was screwed for because it was the other side of the airport. They booked me for another flight. Which I didn't realise till I was done immigrating that was for the next day!!!

When I finally heard, all my emotions hit me at once and I started to cry. The lady at the counter didn't know what to do. I took my ticket and called Kevin, pretty hysterical because I only had 60 dollers, and didn't want to risk leaving the airport alone (in a city I hate might I add), and find an hotel. Kevin told me to find the USO office. I knew I should have done that first when I thought about it. I knew about the USO office, and knew they could help me find a place to stay close by. Even though I didn't want to leave the airport, I needed sleep.

In the time it took me to find the USO office at Chicago, Kevin had called his mum, and left her messages, and he had also called mine, leaving messages and also making her worry about her daughter stuck in chicago alone!! So when I finally found the office, they were GREAT.

They helped me so much. They gave me toiletrys so I could get clean (luckily I packed clean clothes in my carry-on) and also gave me a place to sleep that was safe. I even got a hot meal and the lady let me use her phone to call Kevin.

He was so happy I was okay, but sad it would be another day before I saw him. We said goodnight, I ate, got washed and changed and went to bed.

Being as I was one of two girls there, and the other girl was happy to talk with ALL the guys there (about 8 guys), they told me to sleep in the kid's room because then I wouldn't have to worry about being in a room with so many guys. I accepted, and probably had the best sleep in a while. I woke up at about 4AM, and talked online with my mum. I had coffee and a bagel for breakfast, and kept to myself the whole morning.

One of the guys asked me what my name was, and I told him, I was married, so didn't feel the need to tell him any more than that. The lady that was there burst out laughing. I went and got cleaned up, changed, and put a cute black skirt, black flats and a black shirt on. Very black, but looking very classy and elegant, I called Kevin, and told him to get ready for my arrival. He was so happy I thought he was high. I then headed for my flight. Feeling very refreashed and confident. During the flight I spoke to a kind gentlemen next to me. I read more of that book, and looked at a picture of my mum, and step dad on their wedding day. This time not sad, but excited of my new life.

When I got off the plane I walked out and looked for Kevin. I was scared because I didn't see him, and wondered if he had gone back to sleep, or was running late, but he came up behind me and grabbed me, and wouldn't let go. He got my luggage, and showed me his new truck (well... as new as an old truck can be). We hugged for ages before starting the hour drive to the base. I was shocked at the beauty of everything, but also shocked at how in the middle of no-where we actually were.

Once we got to the base, we ate together, and watched t.v. I played with the ferrets, and enjoyed their excitement to see me. They had changed a lot in that 3 weeks.

Kevin had to work the next day. We went out to dinner that night, and at the weekend we went to the Strike Dam Marina near the base. It was VERY impressive (I'll have pictures soon).

Since then we have moved twice from TLF and finally to our new home. Which I love!!

Last night we had a steak dinner by candlight. It was our first night in our new home, and we ate on a box while sitting on pillows. It was so romantic. TMO should be delivering our things soon.

The ferrets are happy to have a lot of room to run around in. They have the whole garage when we are out there, and the laundry room till we get a washer and dryer.

People here are uber friendly. However, some of the military spouses are very two faced and lie a lot. That worries me. I haven't had any bad inccedents with any of them, but am still weary.

There was a girl Kevin thought I would be friends with that he met in TLF. She's married with a kid, and is nice enough, but some of the things she says are really innapropriate. Like private things and other people's private buisness. She also introduces me as her friend's wife... which to me is odd. I don't care if she thinks of Kevin as her friend. That's cool, but she knows him as much as she knows me, and he told her that he doesn't know her well enough to be her friend, and just thought we would get alone well... I don't know. It's an odd situation.

I miss having REAL close friends, but I'm sure that'll change soon. I start my volenteer work this week, and as soon as my social gets here, I'll be starting work properly. I also start college soon, and once finances are set, Kevin wants to get a dog and start trying for a baby.

haha. So busy busy I suppose.

Now all I need to do right now is find a good church to attend in the area, and there are lots of churchs here, and hope Kevin will go with me, and get back into his teachings. I think he needs that. He's been away too long.

Well I have to get going. I think I covered most the things here.

I'll write again soon.

X Sie

Just stopped by to let everyone know I'm still alive and well. I'm also falling in love with Idaho... Who'da thunk it.

I can't write much right now, so I'll save all the good stuff to a super long entry later!

:D

X Sie

IT'S GREAT! Today I found out I will be receiving my VISA tomorrow from the Embassy! YAY!

That's the first piece of great news. The next piece is that I had the tickets changed to Saturday! I leave SATURDAY!! YAY!

3rd piece. Oliver (The cat that hangs out the front of my mum's house) is actually Chumely. I told my mum this but she refused to believe it. *sigh* LOL. This isn't so much good news as just my being right... which is good.

4th, I got to confuse Kevin and play around with him on what day I am going to the states MWHAHAHA

5th only 3 days till I see Kevin,

6th on 3 days till I see my ferrets!! YAY!

Actually in exactly 2 days and 5 hours I'll be on my way to London.

In London I'll meet my sister at the Airport to eat and say goodbye, and then from there to LA to see Kevin's mum and dad before finally heading to IDAHO to see KEVIN!!

I'm so happy I get to say goodbye to my sister. I'm happy I get to see Kevin's mum between here and Idaho also. I'm really EXCITED!! YAY

So yesturday I ended up having to change my plane tickets again *sucky*. so now I don't get to leave till next Wednesday. *sucky*

I won't get to talk to Kevin much until Thursday *sucky*

My dad's wife is being a bitch and calling me a bitch and also told me to go fuck myself because I told her she had no right to call me a bitch. That parts not sucky... that's just pathetic. My dad said he wants to stay out of it... that part is sucky.

My mum is trying to cheer me up and working hard to make me happy, but I miss Kevin so much that even if I am happy, I'm thinking about him the whole time.

Just in general... today is SUCKY!

Now to go take a shower and try to feel better.

So today my mum and I got bored. The clocks went back, and so I was in a better mood. Now I'm only 7 hours ahead of Kevin lol.

Well anyways, we decided to drive down the dreaded Undly Road in Beck Row to check out the Pick your Own Pumpkin event down there.

We only nearly got hit by two cars, so I consider that great for Undly Road. Once we got there though, it was all down hill...

My mum wanted a small pumpkin. We decided to carve a pumpkin, but I wanted a huge one. My mum of course gave in to the hugely great pumpkin I had ran right to. Then I was like "Mum wouldn't it be great to make a home made pumpkin pie?" and from there it only got worse. I decided not only to make a pumpkin pie with our huge pumpkin, but also roasted pumpkin seeds and pumpkin muffins. Hell our pumpkin was so great that we had enough to do all these and them some.

So we began. Grabbed all the ingredients we were missing and went to work. Well I went to work. I cut the top off in a zigzag line (first mistake), I also made the hole too small. Then I spent a good 30 minutes pulling out the thousands of seeds (most of which I had to throw away because there were too much). Then my mum argued we couldn't make a pie with a big pumpkin because it wouldn't taste good. I said lets do it anyways. So I finished preparing the seeds and put them in the oven while I pulled out all the pulp and other crap. My mum argued because I wasn't taking out the chunks properly and they had to be in cubes... Has anyone ever tried leaving a pumpkin in tact while cutting the inside into cubes?? It's basically impossible. I argued that it was going to be pureed anyways so what did it matter. So there was lots of arguing back and forth. 2 HUGE bowls of pumpkin later and we decide only to make one pie. So then a huge bin liner later and still leaving the pumpkin very thick, we threw all the pumpkin except the shell away. Sad really but neither of us expected the pie to turn out nice anyways, so we gave in. The Roasted Pumpkin seeds were GREAT. I did a wonderful job with them.

We steamed the slithers of pumpkin. The whole time my mum was saying, "It's not supposed to look like that is it?" I had no clue of course, so I stayed out of that argument. The pie looks great now though. It cooked perfectly, and I think it will taste great. I'll update that later.

Now onto cutting our halloween pumpkin. My mum wanted this elaborate ghost design that was impossible, so I settled for a cool evil face. Which of course wasn't what she wanted, so we then argued about that while she freaked about everything going horribly (around the time before putting the pie in the oven and taking out the seeds).

From there we put a sticky light in the pumpkin and saw it was great. The pie was great, and the seeds were great. We burst out laughing about how hard our day had been getting everything done, but it was all worth it.

Then we couldn't stop laughing.

Now we have to make dinner *Sigh* I'm so tired!! I want to sleep now. Silly pumpkin. If I EVER do it again, I will do it with a smaller pumpkin.

I'll get pictures up soon hopefully.

XSie

It has almost been two weeks since I saw Kevin. I miss him so much! He calls every day, and almost always at least 3 times. It's not too hard  since he does call a lot. Yesturday we talked online for a while. We mostly just joked with each other. He printed some pictures of me off my website, and I sent him a song to listen to. He said it helped him feel less lonely AWWWW.

He's not happy I may have to delay my trip for another week. I'm not happy about it either. However, I know we can do it. I MISS HIM! I miss his kisses the most, and next I miss his hugs. 

I miss his geeky laugh, and I miss his manly serious voice. I miss everything about him!

*sigh* PLEASE LET ME VISA BE HERE ON TUESDAY!! PLEASE!!

As much as I love Kevin, I didn't realize how much I would actually miss him. He was trying to deploy before he left and both of us agreed to it. I thought it would be just fine. It's only for a couple of months, and it gets us enough money for a deposite on buying a house. However, seems as though 2 weeks to way too long.

*sigh* Only 8 more days till I can be with Kevin again. I miss his kisses like crazy, and his hugs. It makes tense with excitement just to think about laying with him on the couch. Eeeee lol.

8 more days! I'm spending the weekend with Joanne hopefully, so that will go by faster. I'll get my bags packed tonight, and the ferrets hutch cleaned out and sprayed down with a hose and disinfectant.

I'm going to get to that in fact.

So talk later

X Sie

So for an update for everyone on the ferrets.

I got up at 6AM this morning and showered, took the ferrets from their hutch and fed them well, and had a run around with them. It was as long as I would have wanted, but since I spent till 1AM on the phone to my husband in the states going through all the details for the ferret's flight, I was pretty exhausted. I didn't put them into the crate till we got to the airport, so they sat in the car in a big cat carrier and I huggled with them on the drive to Heathrow.

I didn't realise how sad I would be to get them onto their flight. Since I'm going to see them in two weeks. However, I couldn't help but hold them for almost 30 minutes before going into the cargo office.

Once in their crate Silo started acting up, but it only lasted 5 minutes before he realised there was lots going on around him.

There weren't many people there, and I was thankful for that. The crate came up a little heavier than was written on the documents, but they changed it charge free. They checked the ferrets to make sure they had plenty of room, and even made sure they put their leads and snacks on the box so I wouldn't have to mail them.

In the cargo office there is a big model of the British Airways plane. I joked with the lady at the counter saying it would be cool to put the ferrets on it for some pictures. She said "yeah it would, go ahead," 5 minutes later and we have an audience of the staff on shift.

We got pictures of all three ferrets "attacking" the plane and standing across the wings. I should have the pictures for everyone to see too. :D

After that we had to take the ferrets to the Xray machine. Looked just like the machines you put your luggage through before boarding.

They let me watch the screen as they went through. I was worried they would freak out, so I stayed close to grab them out of the crate. The machine was really dark and they would be moving, so I wasn't sure how they would react. They were fine going through. In fact they were so tired, they fell asleep right as they went in, so we got two pictures. One of them standing and one of them laying down only a moment later.

I was happy they were calm as I was so worried they would freak out. They had to Xray and make sure we weren't trying to smuggle anything into the states in the crate or in them.

I asked them to keep them facing a wall so to stop them from being directly in any light once they were out.

The guy was really nice. He told me to take my time saying goodbye and they would be well taken care of. I even got to talk to the guy that would be checking on them and filling their bowl. He said he wouldn't give them any food on the flight, but would sit down with them and make sure their bowl was filled. There weren't many animals on the flight, so he said he would pay special attension.

He added in a couple of " since your so cute and ferrets are so cool"s, but I didn't mind as long as they take care of my boys.

I was so sad when I left. I felt even more empty. I even felt a little jealous of the ferrets. They get to see our home before I do, and spend lots of time with my hubby the other side. Happy they are taken care or, but jealous I'm not going with them.

12 more days!! Can't wait.

Thanks for all the advise everyone. It really helped.

X Sie

Okay I know I'm a big baby. Kevin left this morning. My VISA didn't turn up on Tuesday because of the american holiday. I may have to leave on the 28th instead, but I am hoping the military will change my ticket for earlier once I get my VISA.

I was okay with the idea of being away from Kevin for 2 weeks. I mean it's only a measly 2 weeks. I would have more time to say goodbye to my friends and family. I would be able to attend Joannes birthday, and hang out with her and Ben more.

However, this morning was SO hard. Saying goodbye as he got on the bus... Of course I started to cry... Because I'm a baby. I think he did too haha.

I love Kevin, and I REALLY miss him now. I have never taken him for granted, but it's hard not to feel like I should have hugged and kissed him more. I can't wait to see him again, and hold him.

This is a good thing though. I'm actually REALLY excited about leaving. So far it's just been a fact and I've connected no real outside emotion to the whole idea. Now I'm more excited than ever. I can't wait to get to him and the ferret who ship out on friday.

It's a good thing because it means that I am finally excited. Kevin can get everything set that side of the ocean without worrying about me. I trust him without a doubt, so I'm not here wondering what he is up to, and so I'm not worrying about him other than if he is eating and sleeping ok.

So this break will most definitely make us stronger. I'm just missing my bed warmer *sniff - tear*

I'm so lame.

I MISS YOU KEVIN!! YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING!! (even though he never reads my journal... you never know).

God does EVERYTHING for a reason. I trust him too :D


(yet still I'm angry/frustraited/ and Lonely) *sigh* that's me missing my Kevvy.

XXX
Sie